Approximately 150 Hindu outfits will meet in Goa from June 14 to17 for a convention to chalk out a programme for establishing a ‘Hindu Rashtra’ in India by 2023.

The conclave is being organised by the Hindu Janajagruti Samiti (HJS), the sister outfit of Sanatan Sanstha which was caught up in controversy after the murder of rationalist Dr Narendra Dabholkar.

According to Uday Dhuri, spokesperson, HJS, the people of India are amenable to the idea of Hindu Rashtra. “The recent election of Yogi Adityanath, who is a strong proponent of Hindu Rashtra with a brute majority shows that people want a Hindu Rashtra in India.” “Our conclave will provide direction on how to proceed in this mission,” said Dhuri.

He said that the Hindu Rashtra will come into being in the year 2023 and the HJS wants to unite all Hindu outfits to work together in this mission.

All public health officials and government-employed zoologists are to be told to make sure that all peacocks in their locality remain celibate.

PATHIKRIT SANYAL

The Coachella of the Hindu Rashtra is about to happen and it is going to be lit!

According to reports, approximately 150 Hindu outfits will meet in Goa from June 14 to 17, for a convention to plan for a “Hindu Rashtra”, something they wish to achieve by the year 2023.

The conclave, organised by the Hindu Janajagruti Samiti, will discuss topics such as love jihad, religious conversions, protection of Hindu religious places, defamation of Hindu saints and change in the demography of population where local Hindus are being shunted out.

“The recent election of Yogi Adityanath, who is a strong proponent of Hindu Rashtra with a brute majority shows that people want a Hindu Rashtra in India. Our conclave will provide direction on how to proceed in this mission,” said Uday Dhuri, the spokesperson for Hindu Janajagruti Samiti.

“We will devise ways to stop atrocities on the Hindu population. Our Hindu nation will be based along the lines of Chhatrapati Shivaji’s rule, where all religions were respected and none were appeased,” he added.

But these are broad strokes. Sources have let slip a list of 10 bullet points to DailyO, that reveal a clearer picture of what Hindu Rashtra is supposed to look like. Here they are:

1) A short term goal for all groups is to ensure that at least one cow in their city gets appointed to a public office. It can start with PSUs and IAS positions. The long term goal however is to elect a cow into the cabinet. After all, who better to put an end to all this anti-national beef business, than a bovine mahanayak.

2) Mandatory playing of the National Anthem, not just before movies, but before TV soaps, gully cricket matches and every period of every class in school.

3) An app called SelfieWithCow is to be developed, which will be an amalgamation of both Snapchat and Instagram. So, people can both upload permanent memories with their lovable cows, and also create stories that would last only 24 hours. All filters on the app, however, will be different kinds of cows. No dogs, no cats and no deer.

4) Demonetisation 2.0, but this time for all currency notes – not just the Rs 500 and Rs 2,000 ones. No currency = no black money. No black money = no Naxalites and stone-pelters.

5) Replace Gandhi Jayanti with Savarkar jayanti. It is time the real heroes are celebrated.

 

gau-neta_060917091359.jpgPhoto: DailyO

6) A blanket ban on all kinds of momos. A blanket ban on modaks as well, because they look like momos.

7) All history text books to omit the mention of Jawaharlal Nehru. Also, Dinanath Batra to be made the human resource development minister. HRD is the new education, where H stands for Hindu.

8) All public health officials and government-employed zoologists are to be told to make sure that all peacocks in their locality remain celibate. And to make sure that our national bird does not get extinct, all peacocks are to watch Tarak Mehta Ka Ooltah Chashma marathons so that their tears can be collected for breeding pea-babies.

9) Mandatory membership into family WhatsApp groups – that you can’t mute – so that you are reminded why UNESCO thinks Indian culture is the best culture, every living minute.

10) All FMCG companies to be acquired by Patanjali that would be turned into a Public Sector Undertaking. And Baba Ramdev to be made the Union heath minister. And home minister. And defence minister. And finance minister. Okay, you do get the drift?

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