There have been close to 60 changes in the rules since demonetisation was announced. One more wouldn’t hurt.

DCM (Plg) No. 1859/10.27.00/2016-17

December 21, 2016

The Chairman/Managing Director/Chief Executive Officer, Public Sector Banks/Private Sector Banks/Foreign Banks/Regional Rural Banks/Urban Cooperative Banks/State Cooperative Banks

Dear Sir,

Withdrawal of Legal Tender Character of existing 500/- and 1000/- Bank Notes (Specified Bank Notes) – Deposit of Specified Bank Notes (SBNs) into bank accounts

Please refer to Circular DCM (Plg) No. 1226/10.27.00/2016-17 dated November 08, 2016 on the captioned subject. On a review of the provisions ii, iii and iv at C of Para 3 dealing with credit of the value of SBNs into bank accounts it has been decided to place certain restrictions on deposits and withdrawals as indicated below:

i. If the account holder deposits Rs 5,000 he/she/others must provide a satisfactory answer as to why they are moving their butt now. If the deposit is Rs 3,000 or below they can provide an unsatisfactory answer. If the deposit is Rs 10,000 or more they must provide a highly satisfactory answer.

Examples of unsatisfactory answers are:

a) I hadn’t heard of demonetisation till now

b) I just discovered this cash under my dog’s bowl.

c) I was in a coma for 40 days

Examples of satisfactory answers are:

a) I was in Zurich and the Canary Islands all these days

b) I had kept the money in a frozen chest in Siberia which took time to thaw

c) I had thought my son’s wedding would cost Rs 800 crore but it cost only Rs 600 crore

If he/she/others come with more than Rs 10,000 please take them to the Interrogation Room of the police station nearest to you branch nearest police station to elicit a highly satisfactory answer.

ii. If the account holder comes to withdraw money, make sure these are the limits under various heads.

a) For political donations

* Ruling Party: Rs 300,000,000

* Opposition Party: Rs 3,000

b) For contribution to an NGO: Rs 30

c) For Army Welfare Fund: Rs 300,000,000

d) For Supreme Court Judges Welfare Fund: Rs 300

e) For buying prasad at a temple: Rs 300,000

f) For biryani: Rs 3

g) For alcohol: Rs 135 (or equivalent of a quart of any brand)

h) For Patanjali products: Rs 300,000 (equivalent of prasad)

i) For film production:

* without Pakistani actors: Rs 30,000,000

* with Pakistani actors: Rs 30,000,000 (to contribute towards Army Welfare Fund)

iii) Please note that old 500 and 1,000 rupee notes will continue to be accepted till Naga Panchami for the following services and products.

a) For learning Yoga from certified asharams

b) For jadi booti from babas

c) For scientific research on Sudarshan Chakra and Brahmastra

e) For Char Dham yatra

f) For treatment of homosexuality

g) For Jio connection

The equivalent value of specified bank notes tendered may be credited to a third party account provided specific authorization thereof accorded by the third party is presented to the bank following standard banking procedures and on production of valid proof of identity, as indicated in Annex-5 of the circular cited above.

Please acknowledge receipt quickly as all this may change by the afternoon.

Yours faithfully

Chief General Manager

Disclaimer: This piece is a work of satire.

courtesy- outlook