NaMo, RaGa, PM, AM and Advani-vs-Antony
Gandhi texted back saying his own highly efficient team has found out that Modi sweetens his nimbu paani with jaggery (gud) and that he will be bringing with him high quality jaggery for Modi. It’s from an area near Muzaffarnagar, Gandhi also texted, asking that he hopes that’s not a problem for Modi. Modi texted back saying he has no problem, he’s not Akhilesh Yadav, after all.
ET can’t reveal the venue of the Modi-Gandhi meeting, because it was the condition imposed by both sides for letting ET be a silent observer. Here’s an exact record of what transpired:
Narendra Modi (NaMo): Namaste Rahulji, has Manmohan-ji resigned?
Rahul Gandhi (RaGa): Namaste Modi-ji, that’s a strange question, why should PM-ji resign?
NaMo: (sipping jaggery-sweetened nimbu paani, and smiling) Because Rahul-ji, you have just made PM-ji look so weak. Of course, he’s always weak
RaGa: (sipping nimbu paani mixed with sugar-free sweetener, and laughing) Modi-ji, you almost got the point but not quite…PM-ji is always…not weak…he always knows what his job is…his job is not to act like a PM…it’s to act like an AM
RaGa: Haanji, AM, Attentive Minister, our PM has to be an AM because, Modi-ji, his job is to pay attention to me and mom
NaMo: Ha, ha, that’s what I have been saying…but, thanks, Rahul-ji, for that AM thing…I will use it my speeches if you don’t mind
RaGa: Modi-ji, go ahead, but you won’t get any benefit out of it…people of this country know PM is AM, only the press of this country can’t figure it out
NaMo:Hmm, you have a point… what’s the point of saying PM-ji can’t act forcefully when his job is to not act forcefully…
RaGa: Exactly, Modi-ji, and let me tell you, since we are chatting and all that… this PM as AM works beautifully…look at what I did today…I get the glory…PM is unbothered…and the press is bamboozled… which is always nice (laughs)
NaMo: (laughing) Bamboozling the press is always good fun…but you are right, thanks, I have decided I will not be the BJP‘s PM candidate
RaGa: Wow! You are admitting you can’t win…
NaMo:No such thing, I am saying I will be the BJP’s campaign face but someone else will be PM candidate…we will win, of course, and that person will be known as PM, but he will be my AM…and I will be like you and your mom
RaGa: Smart move…who’s your PM, I mean AM candidate
NaMo: Guess…(smiles)…he always wanted to be PM…and this time he has a real chance…
RaGa: Oh! Advani-ji, but will he be your AM?
NaMo: Of course, he has no hope of becoming PM on his own, just like Manmohan-ji never had… your mom made him PM and told him to act like AM… same for Advani-ji..I’ll tell him, you are the country’s PM but my AM…he will be happy…like Manmohan-ji is
RaGa: True, I am also looking for another AM…any suggestions?
RaGa: Excellent, so 2014 will be a Advani-vs-Antony contest…and since neither of…you know…are great speakers or media darlings…
NaMo: Yes, yes…the press will get fed up trying to make headlines out of Advanivs-Antony contest…and you and I can get on with the real job of campaigning… with reporters not bothering us
RaGa: Great…oh, there’s a call from AM, I mean PM, see you later
NaMo: Bye, I’ll have to call our AM candidate, I mean PM candidate